A 2004 University of New york study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements on their level of “relationship happiness”. Furthermore, they experienced improved and healthier amounts of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable section of life’s journey. Within a anger management where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine this kind of instance, once your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness is the path; These emotions call forth reactions instead of principled responses. Numerous regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. I remember when i did a talk in a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after broken bones are already healed. There is a songwriter from the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than keeping this negativity, you are able to consciously elect to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you’re flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you’re capable of feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Do not forget that you don’t must be physically or even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected inside our attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you may become withdrawn and significant in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, you will want to strike once the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool-down and funky off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you’re ready and so are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice regardless of the sort means that you’re identified using the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t begin to see the other human being anymore, however only your own personal concept of that human being. To cut back the aliveness of another human being into a concept is already a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Imagine that you are well on a sailboat from the ocean, and navigating these waves is the span of life. No matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. One of the most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes the best thing you are able to do-or one and only thing you are able to do-is to merely ride your storm. Permit the feelings blow through you and then pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you know, determined by fear. These are just waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s much better to stay afloat when you relax the body rather than when you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown in their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now I would like only observe it. Now I will hold on and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to sit down and analyze the storm, and to know very well what caused it. You may also find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance did you notice?
What helped you pull through? How will you get this to transition easier down the road?
Make use of the storm as a possible opportunity to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, remember that storms are a section of life, however you have the capability to navigate on your path through them. You are going to always return to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the trail; these are path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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