A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their degree of “relationship happiness”. Additionally, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable section of life’s journey. In the relationships where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye with each other. Imagine this type of instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is definitely an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. Countless regrettable thoughts and actions occur in such moments. I remember when i did a chat inside a bookstore and noted that this phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words could cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following brittle bones have been healed. There was clearly a songwriter from the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than holding on to this negativity, you are able to consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Imagine if you had been in a position to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Do not forget that you don’t should be physically and even verbally abusive to become violent. Even thoughts might be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected in our attitudes and behaviors. As an example, you may become withdrawn and demanding within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. Another person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and before you know it you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, why not strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself cool-down and cool off, and share your heartaches and thoughts when you find yourself ready and they are able to clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any type implies that you are identified with all the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t begin to see the other human being anymore, however only your own concept of that human being. To reduce the aliveness of some other human being into a concept is already a sort of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing you’re on a sailboat from the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the course of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. One of the most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes a good thing you are able to do-or the thing you are able to do-is to simply ride out your storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you and then pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you realize, depending on fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s better to stay afloat once you relax one’s body instead of once you tense up and panic in the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown inside their drama either. Remain grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. There is no need to panic or fear.
Ride out your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I’ll analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I’ll hold on and survive.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind by sitting and much better analyze the storm, and to know very well what caused it. You can even discover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you survive? How will you choose this transition easier later on?
Use the storm just as one opportunity to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, remember that storms really are a section of life, nevertheless, you possess the capacity to navigate on your path through them. You may always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the path; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is definitely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Improve your Story, Improve your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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